September 03, 2011
I JUST WANT TO BE PERFECT
I was looking for some japanese candy. I haven't had some in a while, I get it and pretend I have been to Japan over the weekend, you know, like its a normal usual thing and it makes me seem cooler. Anyway I'm not even writing about that, I just really felt like blogging, for a while actually... I don't think I really ENJOY blogging but I feel the need to, not to get people to know my name and not for attention or any of that (I actually couldn't think of reasons not to so I sort of used the same) I do it because I feel the need to just... this is going to come out wrong, but, to GIVE A MESSAGE. I sound like a messenger or a priest, I am in NO WAY holy. I am a good girl, some may say a beautiful princess angel baby, but I am not holy. I used to pray and believe in God I think I still do sometimes but I know that I am going to hell, you know when you just have a hunch? It's scary, the fact I'm going to hell, but it's ok you don't need to worry about me. THIS POST ISN'T MAKING SENSE but it will at the end, I think.
I was talking to a friend the other day and she mentioned how it would be weird to send long messages to people, like I remember when I used to have this cool little thing called MSN that people would talk to me and the conversation would be like 'Hey - whats up? - cool - nothing much' THAT IS THE EXTENT OF PEOPLES CONVERSATIONS I have deleted those people now though but then when they were at school they would treat me like we are such good friends and it wasn't like this with me because I am in no way a trophy friend but I feel like people have trophy friends? do you know what I mean? like really, do you understand? You don't understand, ok, that is fine, but that doesn't mean I am going to stop!!! And then I was like relating this thing to stardoll, and I remember how people (I don't think I was ever like this, I don't remember a time) were like ''OMG I wanna be friends with the famous people so I can be famouzzzz too'' like EW SERIOUSLY WHO SAYS THAT! Why would you want friends because they are OK this is frustrating. I just feel like people on stardoll have trophy friends and when they become a trophy themselves they get people that want THEM as trophy friends. I'm not even making sense I might as well talk about random shit on my mind again and I shouldn't try and compare things to stardoll, I think too much.
I haven't got my GCSE's or any qualifications and I'm old enough to have a baby (I'm only 16 but societies standards are slipping and people are getting pregnant at 13 now!!!) and you know what? I am never going back to school again. Do you go to school? Do you like it? Are you popular? Do you have friends that secretly hate you? Do you fancy the teachers? Do you smoke in the bathrooms????? I was never like that I have always HATED school because I have always known that I already know everything I need to know and that I am simply TOO GOOD FOR SCHOOL. 2 qwl 4 skl. WAT KYK JY? it just doesn't make sense to me but now I feel like I am going to amount to NOTHING I will end up sleeping in the streets. I feel like I am exposing myself right now and I don't like it but I am still writing. I think that I'm a really cool person and I am a very good friend, NO I am not selling myself, I am just saying, I am a really good friend. I'm a FAIRY! I'm a a a. I'm just pathetic.
Posted by Charlotte