"Telling a teenager the facts of life is like giving a fish a bath" -Arnold H. Glasow
Lately I've been feeling like I'm learning everything the hard way. I think to myself, when I have kids, I'll tell them these things. But when I think about what I'll say, I realize that my father has said almost the exact same thing to me. Useless.
Somewhere along the road I came up with a romanticized view of the world. Maybe I watched too much Disney when I was little, or maybe I just bought into the lies of shows like Gossip Girl. I know, Gossip Girl? Romanticized? Well just take a look at this:
I'm talking about Prom. The one night of the year where everyday teens spend hundreds of dollars to dress up like princes and princess...and do what?
No, not like this. Not where everyone looks perfectly happy and has a lovely date. Not like the prom in movies. Not at all.
At prom people dance like this:
After getting all dressed up, people basically give each other lap dances, looking sufficiently awkward among their peers and teachers. Yes, that's right. Remember, chaperons are there to "watch" you. But I couldn't phrase what they actually do any better than this: "Chaperons don't enforce morality; they force immorality to be discreet." -Judith Martin. This type of dancing (can you even call this dancing?) is obviously inappropriate for a school function, and school dance agreements do not put an end to it. My school dance agreement reads: "Suggestive dancing is not permitted - all dancers must remain upright, no hands on knees, no hands on floor with you buttocks touching your dance partner, no inappropriate touching." Okay, you gotta admit that all that sounds pretty hilarious when it's phrased that way, but it's the truth of what happens.
I had to find this out the hard way. I mean I knew people danced like that at all the other dances, but some how I thought that putting on fancy dresses and giving it the title of "Prom" would change things. I guess not.
So don't say I didn't warn you. You're not a princess, this isn't a Fairytale, and this is not a Taylor Swift Song.